I’m a Sacramento girl, born into a family of four children that were like north, south, east, and west. My parents lived in constant debt and we got used to the bill collectors knocking on the door. They really did! I was the black sheep in the sense that I was the only one who didn’t learn to scam, use, and abuse people. My siblings were manipulative and my parents had no clue how to deal with them. Believe it or not, I was the quiet one who followed the rules and kind of faded into the background. It didn’t help that I was born with some physical defects that required several surgeries and made me quite insecure. So I grew up reading and trying to avoid being humiliated by my older brother who was the neighborhood bully and found me to be his perfect victim. School became my refuge until I was old enough to attract the attention of my brother’s friends, date them, and really piss him off. In my junior year of high school, I left public school to explore the mystique of the catholic school across the street. We didn’t have much money, so I got one used uniform and found that the nuns didn’t like me coming to class after feeding my horse with hay hanging on my clothes and horse manure on my shoes. This is when my rebellion began! I found that the girls whose families had money and made big donations were easily getting “A’s” while my grades slipped from “A’s” to “C’s” and “D’s.” This was also the time when I began using booze and drugs to escape. I hadn’t yet figured out that I was an alcoholic like my mother and two brothers. So I found the right group who liked to get loaded and partied the year away until I finished up back at the public school. When I was eighteen, my mom suddenly died and I took off for Yosemite to be a maid and switchboard operator at the lodge. I had learned three important lessons so far. First, I learned that people with money could buy things that the rest of us had to work very hard for. Second, I learned that adults didn’t necessarily know more than children. They just guess most of the time, and we are their little guinea pigs. Last, I learned that self-centered cheaters don’t necessarily get caught and that maybe Karma is just a dream.
I guess my first obstacle was being considered ‘deformed’ with my casts and orthopedic shoes which I wore up through my sophomore year. I was a loner who never hung with a group or attended school functions. But my greatest obstacle remains a challenge that has greatly affected my life. I was physically, emotionally, and verbally abused by one of my older brothers from the earliest time I can remember up until ten years ago when I made the decision to ‘divorce’ him. He constantly humiliated me and I lived in fear of what he would do if I told my parents. Today, I am still in therapy to deal with this. When I was eighteen, my mother died suddenly and I couldn’t handle the family dynamics. So I moved to Yosemite National Park and became a maid and a switchboard operator. I was one messed-up puppy! Booze and drugs soon led me to my first husband who was sicker than I was. Let’s just say that a doctor who treated me multiple times when I had suspicious bruises and broken bones advised me to leave him while I was still alive.
I was twenty-one, broke, and broken. Within one year, I was remarried and we wanted to begin a family. A minor obstacle, my infertility, led us to adopt two amazing children and life was grand as we embraced parenthood, I finished college, and became a teacher. But my alcoholism was quietly but fiercely growing and I became a ‘hider’ with bottles stashed behind the insulation in our garage. At forty-two years old, I became a recovering alcoholic, which I remain today. Eight years later, just two days before our twenty-seventh anniversary, my husband came home one day and told me he was leaving. He was already packed and he immediately left, I later found out he had been having an affair, and we soon divorced. Beside the shock of it all, I soon found that I had no credit because I had never even paid a bill. I was left with the mortgage, the dog and no clue how to live on my own. One week later, my eldest brother committed suicide with booze and alcohol. Definitely not the best of times. In 2010, I met a brilliant man, and we traveled all over Europe, eventually becoming engaged. Early one morning I encountered a truly physical obstacle. I tripped over his dead body after he had suffered a heart attack during the night. So, yeah, I’ve had a few obstacles in my life.
By far, my triumphs have exceeded my obstacles. I’ve been sober for twenty-four years and my life is rich with friends and family. The college degree I earned while drinking enabled me to have a career as a teacher, and I have been enjoying retirement for four years. Having those crappy memories of the bill collectors knocking on the door and my parents fighting over money actually had a positive effect on how I managed my money. I saved, bought, and paid off my own home in 12 years. Being out of it for three months after it recently flooded has made me fall in love with my little bungalow again. I now look at the short time with my fiance as a blessing. Our trip to Europe was just the beginning of many more trips to different countries in Europe and Asia I’ve since enjoyed. My ex and I, who now get along well, have two amazing children and two mind-blowing granddaughters and we all enjoy time together. I feel so grateful that they each felt comfortable enough with me to let me be the first to know when they came out as lesbians. I think that my greatest triumph is that I feel comfortable in my own skin and find joy in being one among many without having to be better than or feeling worse than anyone. I accept my shortcomings and work on what I can. My love of school has continued and I have attended SSC each semester since I’ve retired.
I am passionate about learning! It’s such a trip to listen to the voices of younger people and realize how much more they know about life than I did at their age. They are our hope. I have switched my focus at the gym from training in order to be appealing to men, to gaining and maintaining strength and balance. And this time it’s all for me! I love improving my little bungalow and spend lots of time in my yard. Even though I’m still passionate about seeing more or the world, I am now seeing that people, family and friends, are what really fill me up. Nothing beats a great conversation, hug, or smile. And books will always be strewn all over my house! My love of teaching is quenched by tutoring a dear woman from Pakistan who is here getting an education. I help her with vocabulary while she teaches me about life in a world where women have less value than a cow. As weird as this may sound, I’m still very passionate about passion! I enjoy the company of men and probably always will. But now I don’t give up myself in order please anyone and I’m finally learning not to, as my sponsor says, “paint the red flags green.” It’s a big world and I’ve earned the right to be picky about who I spend my time with.
Nonie's Blog 